It’s Not a Punishment, It’s a Test to See if You’ll Choose Yourself
Your ideal life isn’t found on the other side of complacency.
Throughout your life, you’ll be faced with moments where you’re challenged to choose yourself even when things aren’t “bad enough” to leave. You’ll have enough justification to stay because there might be some good in your current circumstances, but what you’re experiencing isn’t satisfying enough to not simultaneously consider “what if”. It’s in these moments—the ones where things are okay, but maybe not completely aligned with what you desire—that you’ll be challenged to prove to yourself how much you really mean it when you say you want your most ideal life.
Your ideal life isn’t found on the other side of complacency. Your ideal life isn’t borne of justifications for not-quite-satisfying circumstances. Your ideal life isn’t one where you suppress your desires and stifle your potential because it would be inconvenient to close a door.
Your ideal life is the result of a willingness to be inconvenient!
Of course, to mature is to understand that you can’t have everything and that compromise will always be required in one form or another. There’s no denying that only choosing something when it’s “perfect” is a form of fantasy thinking, the kind in which you’ll lose all the potential you have because you’re unwilling to make any choice or commitment. With that being said, in the moments you’re faced with the difficult choice between accepting unfulfilling circumstances or choosing to risk the portions of good for the potential of something more aligned, you have to choose the latter. These moments might feel like a punishment, but I consider it more as a test of your care for yourself. When you’re faced with these moments, you’re being challenged with the question: “What are you willing to sacrifice for yourself?”
I’ve spoken about the concept of sacrifice before, but it’s never more pertinent than when it’s related to your alignment and contentment. When a circumstance isn’t logically or justifiably bad enough to leave, but doesn’t make you feel connected to it in the ways you know you want to experience, you’re being gifted the opportunity to show yourself how much you truly mean to yourself. Realistically, you could stay in this unaligned, unfulfilling circumstance, whether it’s a relationship, a career, a friendship, etc., and it might not be horrible or lead to any significant danger. My intention with this essay isn’t to shame you for making the “wrong” choice because there isn’t a right or wrong one. The point is to recognize these forks in the road where you’re faced with two difficult decisions and choose the sacrifice that won’t make you resent yourself when all is said and done.
The longer you choose to stay in unfulfilling circumstances, even though they aren’t “that bad”, the more you show yourself that your deepest desires aren’t worth the discomfort—that you’re not worth the discomfort. You’ll be tempted to stick them out, maybe because you’ve already sunk so much time and energy into them, or because of what you worry others will think, or because you don’t want to hurt someone with your decision—this is just one more layer of opportunity to prove to yourself how much you mean it when you say you want alignment. These are all the risks involved in choosing yourself.
Ending something is never easy, but it’s also not easy to know that you’ve abandoned your authenticity and have left yourself in a perpetual state of yearning all because you don’t want to push through the discomfort of saying ‘no’. To reiterate, compromise will be required in any decision you make, even the most aligned ones, but the key is to understand which compromise you’re most willing to make and which would feel like self-betrayal. To take it one step further, it’s also important to recognize if your unwillingness to end something that you already know is unfulfilling holds someone else back from being able to find their own alignment. Staying in a relationship that doesn’t satisfy your core needs isn’t kind to you or to the person you know can never live up to what you desire from them. Staying in a job you don’t enjoy and only giving half the effort prevents you from finding work more in line with your interests, and the business from finding someone who is able to meet their requirements. Ultimately, when you choose yourself you’re reorienting and creating space for everything else around you to find its own alignment.
However, when you’re faced with this decision, it’ll probably inspire a “why me?” moment. You’ll lament about why things have to be so difficult and why it can’t all work out effortlessly. While I can empathize with this pain, I also know from personal experience that this pain is pivotal. It’s a call to your inner self to step up when you need them the most. It’s an invocation of your intuition to guide you through the foggy path of complacency that you’ve grown comfortable with. This discomfort isn’t a sign of your unworthiness of ease; it’s a recognition of your self-love left dormant for a little too long. Consider this moment its awakening.
While what you truly want won’t always look like what you expect, it’s important to become acquainted enough with your desire to recognize when it’s not being met, even if the circumstances aren’t awful and even if you could stick them out. There’s no virtue in sticking things out; it doesn’t make you a better person to keep yourself unsatisfied. All this does is prove to yourself that you can’t trust your word when you say you want your most aligned life, and that lack of self-trust will bleed into other aspects of your psyche. The kindest thing you can do for yourself and others is to choose your satisfaction and reject what doesn’t feel aligned with your most authentic desires, despite how tolerable your current circumstances might be.
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