Your Existence Doesn’t Require Justification
The point isn’t to feel valid in your needs or desires by forcing them to manifest; it’s to feel valid in them regardless of the outcome.
Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about justification, particularly with regard to our needs and desires. There seems to be an unstated rule that in order to need or desire something, you have to put forward a good argument for it. You have to provide evidence that proves why you deserve to be seen as right or valid. The simplicity and straightforwardness of something just being is chipped away and discredited if there isn’t enough justification for it. I’m here to say that your existence and the experience derived from it don’t require justification.
If you’ve become accustomed to always hearing ‘no’ throughout your life or to never being shown grace, then feeling like you have to justify your experience makes sense. How can you feel valid in simply existing the way you do if, at every turn, someone is trying to invalidate you? This, most likely, began in your childhood as it did for me, but is now seeping into your adult life and making it difficult to show up for yourself in the ways your inner child might desperately need you to. Because of this, your self-trust is probably dwindling the more you try to reach for justifications at the slightest emergence of a need or desire. The more you feel the need to “prove” yourself, the more you reinforce your invalidity, and then the more you need to find proof of why your existence deserves to be expressed. It becomes a vicious cycle that prevents you from feeling safe within yourself and trusting that you’re doing what’s most authentically aligned for you.
Does nature have to prove its existence? Do trees have to justify why they need sunlight and water to not only survive but also thrive? Their existence is proof enough. Their demands are justified by their mere presence. I think it’s important that we see ourselves the same way. The fact that we are here—in whatever shape or form—is enough to justify our needs and desires. Now, of course, this isn’t me giving everyone free rein to demand things that take away the right to certain needs and desires from others. I’m only trying to emphasize the importance of seeing yourself as worthy simply as you are without a detective’s folder of evidence to build your case. The evidence is in the presence of these needs and desires.
In a society run by capitalism, access to a basic need like water comes at a price. Having to pay for a basic biological need with money earned at a job where you are picked out of a group of applicants for the ability to earn said money undoubtedly skews your perception of your human nature and what it means to be worthy. This isn’t an individual issue, but rather a systemic one, meaning that it’s not a personal failing if you feel this way. The need to justify our existence even when we’re already here is baked into the world and society we happened to be born. There isn’t something inherently wrong with you for feeling like you can’t exist freely without justifying why you deserve to—it’s how the system has been created to function.
With that being said, I do believe that there are areas in our lives where we can begin practicing self-validation in order to feel a bit better and embrace the lives we have. Nothing will be perfect and we can’t control everything. There are many things we have to accept for what they are because we only have so much power. But there are also many things that we unknowingly revoke our power over because we might not recognize that it was in our hands the entire time.
One example might be in your belief about what you deserve in relationships. You don’t have to justify why you deserve a loving partner if it’s something that you deeply need and desire to experience. Sure, do what you know is appropriate to become an equal match to the kind of partner you would like, but at that point, the proof is in the pudding. Showing up in a way that you believe is aligned with your desire is enough. Whether your desire comes to fruition is out of your control and dependent on so many factors that will never be changed no matter how hard you try. The point isn’t to feel valid in your needs or desires by forcing them to manifest; it’s to feel valid in them regardless of the outcome.
The outcome isn’t proof that you are worthy of experiencing what you truly need and want. The outcome is sometimes a reflection of your effort and sometimes a reflection of circumstances outside your control. If the outcome is just as equally a result of circumstances outside of your control as it is of circumstances within them then it’s not really about how worthy you are to receive it. So, if it’s not about how worthy you are to receive it, then it would stand to reason that an outcome simply is in the same way that the desire or need that led you to it simply is.
You just are. Your needs and desires just are. They don’t need to be proven because the fact that they exist within you—that you exist—is proof enough. If your existence is proof enough of your worth to experience the things you need and desire (without intentionally hurting those around you), then what would you now feel more comfortable asking for?
