When You Follow Your Ego You Abandon Yourself

I still catch myself acting out of ego, not realizing I’m actually just self-abandoning because I don’t want to admit defeat or failure as considered so by external perception.

Shame can be an incredibly motivating emotion, both for good and for bad. It’s something I’ve struggled to rid myself of for decades, only realizing now in my thirties that maybe it’ll never be gone. Maybe the point isn’t to get rid of it, but rather to understand it and recognize when you’re choosing it over yourself. When I look back at instances throughout my life (and currently, if I’m being totally honest) where I’ve chosen my ego, I’ve inadvertently also abandoned myself. The two are seemingly inextricably linked, at least from what I’ve experienced, so there doesn’t seem to be a scenario where you can choose your ego and, simultaneously choose yourself.

When I refer to the self, what I mean is the You that is derived from authenticity and alignment. This You is what would feel the most content to nestle into. They are the You that exists regardless of the pressure you put on yourself to change, improve, or be loveable. They are the You with the qualities you might have been told are imperfections, but only from external or societal perception. This You is who you are in the most basic sense of the term. So, when the ego steps in and suggests that the You should be different in order to survive in its myopic sense of the concept, that’s where self-abandonment can be ignited.