The Lack of Clarity Is the Clarity

The lack of clarity you’re receiving from someone shouldn’t be seen as an invitation to figure things out; it should be a reflection of how little they’ve figured themselves out.

The answer you’re seeking is sometimes within the very question you ask. If you struggle to find clarity in a situation you’ve tried your best to understand, then the lack of clarity is exactly what you need to know. This is especially true when it comes to relationships where you might constantly be wondering what the other person's intentions are. They might be giving mixed signals, never answering questions in a genuine way, and making it difficult for you to see through the outer layer of the persona they present. You might even internalize this behaviour and start to believe that it’s somehow on you, that you’re just not approaching it the right way or asking the right kind of questions. In this scenario, more often than not, the lack of clarity is all there is. 

For those who identify as people-pleasers or even a bit codependent, trying to understand someone else in order to give them what they need is how you’ve learned to survive. It’s a coping mechanism and strategy to get your needs of safety and security met. However, when someone doesn’t provide the clarity you need to fully understand how to best serve them, you begin to feel even more unsafe, which leads you to try even harder to gain clarity. This can turn into a vicious cycle where you begin to see them as holding the keys to your sanity, always out of reach. Realistically, you’re holding the keys to your sanity and the answers are all right there in front of you. The lack of clarity is the clarity you seek.