How to Stop Sabotaging Yourself
Self-sabotage is a confusing experience because it can make you question your sense of self, losing trust in your ability to discern what’s aligned with you and what isn’t.
Self-sabotage is one of the most common (and most painful) forms of failure, but we don’t always see it that way. It can often seem safer to stand in your own way than to let yourself run free with your deepest desires and goals. If you’re like me, you might have caught yourself in the midst of self-sabotage, having previously thought you were doing the “right” thing, only to be right back where you started.
Self-sabotage is a confusing experience because it can make you question your sense of self, losing trust in your ability to discern what’s aligned with you and what isn’t. The fear that leads to resistance can make your beliefs about yourself and the world around you murky and difficult to navigate. Due to this, you feel safer staying exactly where you are, but always feeling the dissatisfaction and self-abandonment of never moving toward the life you truly want.
Below are a few tips on how to begin working on your self-sabotaging tendencies so that you can cultivate a life that feels more true to who you actually are rather than who you think you should be:
Understand what triggers your resistance toward your goal and how it benefits you. How does giving in to your resistance with self-sabotage protect you, and why is it safer than getting what you want?
Risk the vulnerability of being seen trying. If you fear being seen taking something seriously enough to try (not guaranteed to succeed), then you’ll sabotage yourself every step of the way to stay safe from shame, rejection, or abandonment. Ultimately, self-sabotage is just an abandonment of yourself, so if you’re going to experience the feelings of abandonment anyway, it might as well be in the direction of your goals.
Lower the stakes by keeping your expectations low without compromising your hope. It’s okay to hope for something, but to expect a specific outcome will only make you anxious about being as perfect as possible to get it. Realistically, the outcome you desire probably won’t look like what you initially envisioned because when it’s brought into reality, it will be as imperfect as you are, and that’s okay!